Thursday, June 17, 2010

This one's for you, RJinx

RJinx once rescued me from the Titanic.  True story.
Faceboook, 7:30AM: I have 15 hours stretching ahead of me that require strenuous physical activity, mind-numbing patience, and an endless supply of energy and positive attitude. It's going to be tough, but I can do it. (Right?) Feel free to contribute support, jokes, funny comments, and/or tequila.
                RJinx: Hey, you must be a parent. ;-)
                Look at it like surfing.
                Just ride the wave.
                If you fight against it you will drown yourself
                and keep yourself from getting where you need/want to be.
                If you just ride the wavy and
                let its energy guide you, you will reach the shore....
                namaste, grasshopper.

8:50 AM: Pick up Bluejay, a 10-yr-old student who is not my biological child.
8:54 AM: See cop lights flashing quietly behind me.
                ME: Good morning, officer.
                Nice, slightly hot OFFICER: I pulled you over for speeding back there. Um, did you know you were going 53 in a 40 zone? Do you have any reason to need to go that fast?
                ME: Um,  no good reason.
                OFFICER: Well, I'm going to let you off but I will need to see your license, insurance and registration.
                ME: Of course, of course. (rummaging in the Car That Vommited VBS Supplies) Um, I'm afraid I can't find my registration.
                OFFICER: Okay, well, sit tight, let me check this out.
                (minutes pass)
                OFFICER: Well, it seems as though your insurance card isn't current. See here? It says expires 2009.
                ME: Oh, well, that's just the card. The insurance is current.
                OFFICER: Thing is, I do have to give you a ticket for that.
                ME: Of course, I understand.
               (minutes pass)
               OFFICER: Did you realize your driver's license is expired?
                ME: Yes, at the end of June.
                OFFICER: Afraid not. It expired on June 12, your birthday.
                ME: Of course this is happening to me. I'm on my way to Vacation Bible School.
                OFFICER: Well, I can't let you drive there. Is there anyone else in the car who can drive?
               (Bluejay scrunches; she is in the front seat though technically she shouldn't be. Fortunately she looks mature enough he doesn't question.)
               ME: No, I'm afraid not. I can - no, I can't call my sister, she doesn't have a car with enough car seats. Um. Well, my mother - no, she's at Annual Conference. Um, can you give me a minute to try to call someone?
               OFFICER: Oh, sure, sure. I have to go write up your court summons, anyway. (At my look) It's just, it's mandatory for driving with an expired license. But I'm not going to ticket you for speeding or not having your registration or not having current insurance.
               ME: Thank you for being so understanding.
               OFFICER: No problem. And we'll just wait here until someone can come pick you up.
               (which happened thirty minutes later, after Bluejay and I decided to walk to Starbucks)
               MR. AERIN: Well,now what?
               ME: I need to renew my license.
               BLUEJAY: And I want to come with you!
               (drive 20 minutes to DMV)
               ME: Oh my god.
               MR. AERIN: What?
               ME: I forgot my driver's license. It's still in the Odyssey.
               MR. AERIN: Maybe it won't matter, let me check.
               (minutes pass)
               MR. AERIN: It's good, they'll look you up by your SSN.
               ME: What about a current insurance card?
               MR. AERIN: I had Allstate fax a current copy to my office, and my co-workers are standing by to fax it to DMV.

EMAIL (on my iPhone) from Fritz: Present for you.
(with a link, that I didn't check until this evening, but...well, you see for yourself.  I should have looked sooner!)

FB, 10:45 AM: 10 yr old student, a cop, a court summons, Starbucks, DMV, profuse amounts of self-loathing, all before 11am. Today sucks /major/.
               RJinx: Ride the wave, young woman.
               I sent you positive juju.
               Although I am looking forward to this blog post. ;-)

TEXT MESSAGE FROM JS: On the flip side, you'll look cute in one of those orange jumpsuits.

               DMV Worker RICK: Hi, how are you?
               ME: I've had a terrible day, actually.
               RICK: Well, let's see if we can make it better.
               ME: I need to renew my license, which expired, but I don't have my old one with me. I was told you could use my SSN.
               RICK: Sometimes we can.
               ME: Uh.
               RICK: What's your #? (I give it to him) Name? Address? (checks, checks) Okay, it looks like we're good.
               ME: Oh, that's awesome.
               (eye test, answer three questions, I feel good)
               RICK: Well, it looks like your day might be getting worse. I can't give you your license.
               ME: What?
               RICK: It doesn't match the name in the Social Security database.
               ME: What?
               RICK: About six months ago we merged data with their systems, and now we have to reconcile everyone.
               ME: But my name is long, it won't all fit on a driver's license.
               RICK: We have foreigners who have much longer names than you do.
               ME: (doing Lamaze breathing) First, let me ask: could you give me my license if I had my old one?
               RICK: No.
               ME: That's good at least. But you're telling me I have to go somewhere else and get something changed so that I can come back here and renew my driver's license.
               RICK: Yeah, there are only three offices within a 50 mile radius, and they really don't answer their phone lines, so you'll just want to go stand in line.
               ME: (hyperventilating)
               RICK: Good luck with that. Next!!

FB, noon: Now DMV is telling me that Social Security doesn't recognize me. Now I have to prove I exist.
               RJinx strangely silent
               CW Response: Just drop my name and I'll vouch for you. I'm a former government bureaucrat lackey. We all know each other.
               KRS Response: Call the IRS, they'll confirm you!

12:25 PM: Take Bluejay Home
12:30 PM: Drive home to get passport and social security card.
12:59 PM: Arrive home.
              ME: I have to pee.
              MR. AERIN: I'll get your stuff.
              (minutes pass)
              MR. AERIN: Hey, honey?
              ME: Yeah?
              MR. AERIN: They're not here.
              ME: WHAT?????

FB, 1PM: I might have to cry.
              RJinx:This is my shoulder.           

FB, 3PM: So....I can't find my SS card or my passport. And I can't request a new SS card without a valid license (well, I can, but I'm going for dramatic, here, people). I feel like a complete and total failure as an adult. #utterwasteoflife

 FB private message from RJinx
              good mother? check
              good friend? check
              treat others with dignity and respect? check
              hot tamale? check
              It all comes out in the wash.


  1. I had a similar (but much less frustrating) work-related situation with the USDA this week. Rather terrifying when that happens, isn't it? Hope it gets all wrapped up for you soon, Aerin.

  2. George of the Jungle with only a fig leaf covering his vine.

    I should hold that against you Aerin but I'll let you off with a warning this time.

  3. Now I see the whole lost SSN picture. What a day. I hope that you have made some progress.

  4. That really sucks, Aerin. That kind of stuff would send me over the edge. I'm not good at stuff like that.

    I never thought of Brendan Fraser as attractive until this picture. Clearly, I need to see him naked more often.



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