Monday, April 27, 2009
Amusing Mondays: (the incessantly rambling) Snarky Bitch
Yesterday was a fundraiser for the autism treatment center where my son has gone for the past two years. Basically, it's one-on-one preschool with specially trained teachers. Translation: very very expensive. Despite the fact that the teachers and staff are fantabulous beyond compare, they don't get paid nearly enough to do what they do.
The fundraiser was at our local amusement park, which is decent in the same way truckstop bathrooms are. Also, we've got typical Rocky Mountain weather, which is, in a word, bipolar. Sunny and warm last week; frigid and rainy over the weekend. But we'd promised the kids we go and it didn't start raining until mid-afternoon by which time we were enough covered in other-kid-sneezes-and-gummy-hands-and-sticky-shoe gunk we welcomed the cold shower. Keep in mind, I have two preschoolers. Amusement park=endless repetitions on the kiddie roller coaster, or the kiddie bumper cars - for all of which I'm too big. *Pout* So I get to stand around and look pretty and make sure pedophiles aren't snatching my kids from a ride.
I'm a people watcher; I come by this trait honestly from my hyper-judgemental grandmother. And while I try to remin charitable in my observations, sometimes I'm just too tired and child-crazed that I turn into....
...wait for it....
Snarky Bitch!!! (not to be confused with Cutthroat Bitch from House.)
Some of my observations from the day may amuse you, or at the least, you can have some amusement castigating my rudeness.
First ride: the carousel. Kidlings and Mr. Aerin and I are second in line behind another family. Just behind us come two pre-teen looking girls with heavy eyeliner and little clothing (did I mention the overcast chill in the air?) And I swear to god, one of the girls says about twelve times in a three minute period, "I hate this music." All right, yeah, carousel music isn't exactly the sort of thing you find on a 12-year-old's iPod. But after the third time, I wanted to turn and say, "Then don't ride it."
That was a mild annoyance.
At the kiddie boat rides, there was a woman with high bangs (really), in cut-off blue jean shorts, a black men's t-shirt and a novelty oversized green foam necktie that said I'm with Stupid ------>. She and her husband and her kids were walking toward the ride, and her husband stopped to look at one of those carnival game booths, which mixed up the order. So then the arrow was pointing to her kids, and, on noticing it, rearranged herself so that the tie would still point to her husband. Right. 'Cause wearing the tie wasn't stupid at all.
There were the waif-like goth kids marathon smoking, since obviously that's why you pay $35/ticket...to have somewhere to light up. The packs of 13-year-olds, boys with their arms slung around the shoulders of their chattel...I mean, girlfriends.
Hmm. I'm not really that amusing. Castigate away.
Part of the problem is when we lived in So. Cal, we spent Friday nights at Disneyland. Literally - every Friday night (vive la Annual Pass!). And Disneyland is the creme de la creme of theme parks - clean, well-staffed (mostly), and without novelties like foam ties for purchase. (Instead, purchase a single, genuine Disney golf ball, for only $24.95 plus tax!)
Then again, I may be in the minority here; oversized foam ties may have become quite popular amongst the populace. Which is great, because then I'll know what to send Pete for his birthday.