Monday, April 27, 2009

Amusing Mondays: (the incessantly rambling) Snarky Bitch

Yesterday was a fundraiser for the autism treatment center where my son has gone for the past two years.  Basically, it's one-on-one preschool with specially trained teachers.  Translation: very very expensive.  Despite the fact that the teachers and staff are fantabulous beyond compare, they don't get paid nearly enough to do what they do.


The fundraiser was at our local amusement park, which is decent in the same way truckstop bathrooms are.  Also, we've got typical Rocky Mountain weather, which is, in a word, bipolar.  Sunny and warm last week; frigid and rainy over the weekend.  But we'd promised the kids we go and it didn't start raining until mid-afternoon by which time we were enough covered in other-kid-sneezes-and-gummy-hands-and-sticky-shoe gunk we welcomed the cold shower.  Keep in mind, I have two preschoolers.  Amusement park=endless repetitions on the kiddie roller coaster, or the kiddie bumper cars - for all of which I'm too big. *Pout*  So I get to stand around and look pretty and make sure pedophiles aren't snatching my kids from a ride. 

I'm a people watcher; I come by this trait honestly from my hyper-judgemental grandmother.  And while I try to remin charitable in my observations, sometimes I'm just too tired and child-crazed that I turn into....

...wait for it....

Snarky Bitch!!!  (not to be confused with Cutthroat Bitch from House.)

Some of my observations from the day may amuse you, or at the least, you can have some amusement castigating my rudeness.

First ride: the carousel.  Kidlings and Mr. Aerin and I are second in line behind another family.  Just behind us come two pre-teen looking girls with heavy eyeliner and little clothing (did I mention the overcast chill in the air?)  And I swear to god, one of the girls says about twelve times in a three minute period, "I hate this music."  All right, yeah, carousel music isn't exactly the sort of thing you find on a 12-year-old's iPod.  But after the third time, I wanted to turn and say, "Then don't ride it."

That was a mild annoyance.

At the kiddie boat rides, there was a woman with high bangs (really), in cut-off blue jean shorts, a black men's t-shirt and a novelty oversized green foam necktie that said I'm with Stupid ------>.  She and her husband and her kids were walking toward the ride, and her husband stopped to look at one of those carnival game booths, which mixed up the order.  So then the arrow was pointing to her kids, and, on noticing it, rearranged herself so that the tie would still point to her husband.  Right.  'Cause wearing the tie wasn't stupid at all.

There were the waif-like goth kids marathon smoking, since obviously that's why you pay $35/ have somewhere to light up.  The packs of 13-year-olds, boys with their arms slung around the shoulders of their chattel...I mean, girlfriends.

Hmm.  I'm not really that amusing.  Castigate away.

Part of the problem is when we lived in So. Cal, we spent Friday nights at Disneyland.  Literally - every Friday night (vive la Annual Pass!).  And Disneyland is the creme de la creme of theme parks - clean, well-staffed (mostly), and without novelties like foam ties for purchase.  (Instead, purchase a single, genuine Disney golf ball, for only $24.95 plus tax!)

Then again, I may be in the minority here; oversized foam ties may have become quite popular amongst the populace.  Which is great, because then I'll know what to send Pete for his birthday.


  1. far as i see it, aerin, you should be over vigilant these days... think of the tragic consequences that could happen if you were not :(

    as for being snarky, NOT by a long shot!

    i have no use for those who deliberately, as bugs bunny sez, act like MAROONS! grrrr

    there are disabled or otherwise disadvantaged folk who have no choice, but to do it by CHOICE???

    btw - a friend of mine [merelyme in my sidebar] also has an autistic child, and a bit ago she was diagnosed as having MS... you may want to exchange notes

  2. If a foam tie is the present, then I vow never to have another birthday. EVER.

    I can't figure out whether I'm flattered or offended that you would lump me in with the unwashed masses of "the populace." See, it's like that with me. I want to be a regular guy, but it's so difficult when you're as flawless as I am.

  3. She actually had an I'm with Stupid ------> tie and wore it in public. I cry for humanity.

    Funny post though.

  4. ROFL, I love that she rearranged herself so she wasn't calling her kids stupid. Mother of the Year!

  5. Have you read The Speed of Dark by Elizabeth Moon? It's about an autist in the future when they discover a 'cure' and he must decide if that will kill who he is. Very well done, despite the crappy Monday morning description. Elizabeth's son is an autist.

    I, too, am a people watcher. I learned a long time ago that people do not look up and would sit on the roof and watch them walk by.

  6. Disney-anything kicks every other amusement park's butt. It jades you, it really does. Sets your hopes up, then you have to get used to the mediocrity of sticky carousels, obscure cartoon characters, and questionable cleanliness everywhere else.

  7. Worse than any of that is bad hygiene. No deodorant? Haven't acquainted oneself with a bar of soap in, say, two weeks? Stand to the side, buddy.

  8. I can only think that she was desperate to tell her husband something.

    I too have real trouble understanding teenager's love of hypothermia. I've been out wearing my heaviest coat buttoned up under my chin only to see school kids walking around in short sleeves turning blue.

    How sweet of you to support your son's support workers. As a support worker for children with additional needs I have to tell you it's always good to be appreciated!

  9. I find more fodder--I mean, motivation--for literary characters in situations like that ...

    : )

  10. Rude? No.
    I went to the Neshoba County Fair in Mississippi last summer. The carnival part was laughable. And also mondo scary. The Tilt-A-Whirl kept shaking like an off balance washing machine. Needless to say, we did not ride it.

  11. Hi Aerin,
    I have to make my way here more often. Come by and drop us a link to this at Little Lov'n Monday.



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