Tuesday, November 18, 2008

A Penis Perspective

  • Morgan: And when you go out, you don't want to wear too much makeup 'cause otherwise the boys get the wrong idea. And you know how they are. They are only after one thing.
  • Giselle: What's that?
  • Morgan: I don't know. Nobody will tell me.
-from Disney's Enchanted

For my NaNo (that's - NaNo 2009....) WIP, I want to get some sense of what it's like for a guy to fall in love.  If they even do. 

Unless you're Travis Erwin, you probably don't read women's fiction if you have a penis.  In the more hastily written of these kinds of romances, the men are attracted to a woman's physical appearance, and then fall in love with their brains/kindness/mothering skills, and start picturing themselves marrying and having babies with the gorgeous woman (who inevitably wears "slacks" and a "blouse.")  Forgive me for being cynical (and not impressed - show me a man who pictures himself cleaning house and raising kittens), but I'm not sure that's how men fall in love.

So, how about it, guys?  Do you fall in love? What's it like?  Is it all physical, sexual?  What do you notice first?  What makes a woman attractive? Then what?

Feel free to comment anonymously - thanks for helping!!


  1. That title just cracks me up. I know it is juvenile. But I can't stop laughing. Alright I'll shut up now. snort.

  2. I have to say that your title reminds me of a favorite book: The Pooh Perplex by Frederick C. Crews. But I digress.
    Working with Inter Library Loan, I see between 50 and 100 scholarly articles cross my desk every day. And there is quite a bevy of articles RE: the perception of beauty, esp. from the male perspective. From what I know and understand, the male mind works in this order: (1)Sight, (2)everything else.
    But first impressions are notoriously bad indicators. The dreaded "P" word is what keeps the guy on the hook. You guessed it, Personality.
    Love is different for everyone. Some people fall into it three times a day. Some people never know they're in love until one day they look around and notice their surroundings.

  3. It's completely physical. Men are pigs. All that flower and candy stuff is smoke screen.

  4. It's just as easy to fall in love with a beautiful, rich woman as with a dumpy frump. The problem is getting her to fall for you.

    What I really want to say is that for men, it's all about ego. Men want an impressive woman because she will make him look good. "Impressive" here can be one of many things, or a combination of things. The easiest is beauty. But other men realize this is the less creative way to impress others, so it's usually reserved for the mid-life crisis. A woman's intellect or personality can also be impressive. Smart guys pick women at the very top end of what they can get in terms of physical beauty, but they'll give up a bit in that area for charisma, charm, and the ability to attract and keep impressive friends.

    One of my three favorite quotes (source unknown) is this: "Marriage is that point when a woman expects a man to change and he doesn't, and the man expects the woman not to change but she does." This is why I think the oodellaly thoughts on romantic comedies is spot on. And I think the comments about love are also spot on. But the brother has hit the trifecta (beauty, intelligence, and charisma), and now he's doing all he can to keep her. Because it's all about ego. His ego, in this case.

    We all want to be admired by the admirable, desired by the desirable, respected by the respectable. When someone we admire pays us attention, it makes us feel good. For men, "pays us attention" often manifests sexually. For women, it's giving up 50 yard line seats to Monday Night Football because yes, of course he'd rather spend the evening with your family at your great-aunt's 93rd birthday party because your sister's five-year-old triplet girls love him so much. Or, back to the quote above, "pays her attention" means "is willing to change his behavior to make me happy."

    I don't believe it's about sex, or "the chase," or beauty, or true love. It's all about ego. For both men and women. It's just that every person feeds his or her ego a different way.

  5. Some interesting responses.... I know what i'll be asking my dh when he walks through the door this evening. :) Popped over from Janey V's blog.

  6. One of my favorite English professors once complained about the notion that "English scholars and writers are deemed somehow less than masculine."
    And here we enter the realm of penis v. phallus.
    The positive phallus embodies a sense of self (or ego) that is self-reliant and does not require or seek the support of an accessory. The ancient Greek quote is "Know thyself."
    The stereotypical penis embodies a sense of domination and tyranny. Of self-aggrandizement. The individual who embraces this definition of masculinity is Ozymandias.
    The common wisdom is that to love someone else, one has to first love him/herself. How can one love if one does not know?
    But men are not pure or guided solely by philosophical axioms. We are flesh and blood and chemistry and electricity and instinct and reason. We are only muddling through like everyone else in this world.
    The trick is to find yourself before someone else defines your Self.

  7. It doesn't appear that the option to comment anonymously is available.

  8. Sadly, Stephen is right. We fall in lust first and then before we know it we're in too deep (pun unintentional) to get escape. We never mean to fall in love, but the truth is y'all are too smart for us.

  9. Is there a test to determine when Stephen and Travis aren't being smart asses?

    PJD & B. - thanks for your responses -

    Elo, Janey & Barrie - men always say they're clueless about the opposite sex, but I'm not sure we're much more knowledgeable.....



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