Wednesday, May 14, 2008

HOT NAKED PICS!!!

Okay, not really.

But I had to get your attention somehow.

Would you PUH-leeze go critique this story???? I do not belong to a writer's group and I need to get back in the habit of workshopping.

Many thanks to Ello and Janey for commenting. And for playing Scrabulous with me, despite the fact I take an hour to play a move.

1 comment:

  1. You're doing good in the showing, not telling department.

    One constructive point I'll make is that you don't have to pair most pieces of dialog with an action. Just like in life, when dialog gets going, your entire focus shifts to it. Distractions are few, and important. If you keep inserting little actions which really aren't important, it slows the dialog and diminishes the overall impact. I would definitely trim a good bit of that sort of thing.

    I think you have good presence in the writing. The characters feel real to me.

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