Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Entry #1

by Ello

As the plane taxied to the gate, Brandon stood up, opened the overhead compartment and started pulling out our carry-ons. He huffed and glared at me, but I refused to help. A stewardess rushed up to him from the back of the cabin, calling out, "Please, sir, return to your seat and keep your seatbelt fastened until the pilot has turned off the seatbelt sign!"

I couldn't hear the response he growled at her, but it must have been a doozy. She signaled to someone in the back, and almost instantaneously a male flight attendant from Business Class appeared. He repeated the "please remain seated" speech. His stance made clear that it wasn't a request.

I almost laughed aloud as Brandon picked up his carry-on from his seat and then sat down gingerly. I didn't want to be on this trip any more than he did, but his attitude wasn't going to help matters any.

The male flight attendant returned to the front of the plane as the plane coasted to a complete halt. Ten interminable minutes crept by before Brandon flipped out again.

"What the fuck is taking them so long!"

Slamming his fists onto the seat in front of him, to the dismay of the unsuspecting passenger, Brandon rose and began to pace up and down the aisle.

The petite stewardess immediately rushed towards him.

"Sir, we are still on the runway, you must remain seated..."

"Sweetheart, there is nothing you or your little gay friend can say to make me sit. I've been sitting for five hours straight and I'm done. So back off sister!" Brandon flicked a rude hand in the smaller woman's face.

"I've had it with this cheap ass airline! No food, no snacks, $6 for a measly ham sandwich. And you have to be a fucking midget to sit comfortably in these ridiculous seats!" Brandon was raging, going so far as to kick his vacant seat, jolting me and alarming the other passengers.

"Brandon, stop making a scene!" I said. "Everyone feels like you do but you are acting like an ass."

"Who the hell do you think you are talking to me like that?"

"Brandon…" I tried to say, but he couldn't hear me, going off on an increasingly unstable rampage.

"Would you just sit down and shut the hell up!" A tight, British voice spoke up from a row somewhere behind us.

"Fuck you asshole!" Brandon yelled. "Why don't you come and make me!"

"Sir, I have to warn you that I will be forced to take drastic measures if you do not calm down!" The stewardess said.

Brandon had the audacity to laugh down into her face.

"And what is a little girl like you gonna do, hmmmm? Call your gay boyfriend again, huh? Ooooooh, look how scared I am!" He sneered at her. "Please! Get out of my face!" I watched as his big meaty hand shoved the smaller woman, sending her off balance and causing her to fall. A wave of shocked and angry cries filled the air as I stared in disbelief. I knew Brandon's reputation for being a misogynistic prick but this was going too far.

The next part of the story is a bit of a blur to me. I remember it only in bits and pieces now. Somethings jolt into my memory at the oddest times, like the screams, the blood, the smell. But I can tell you that it's the screaming that I remember the most. The screaming and the strange cracking sounds of bones splintering and clothes ripping. The rest I blocked out. But I can tell you what my police report statement said.

The plane was dimly lit as the lights had not been turned on yet. I still sat in my window seat, looking up at Brandon. I remember his arrogant profile turning into one of sheer horror. I turned my head and found myself staring at the massive head of a fully manifested werewolf, still in the tattered remnants of a stewardess uniform. Before I could blink, the werewolf had launched itself at Brandon and bit off his head in one bite. The dismembered body fell first on its knees, arms twitching as in disbelief, before falling forward with a great gush of blood. In the next instance, the sleek black head of the werewolf was thrown back as it issued a full throttled howl. Leaping towards the middle of the plane it ripped out a row of seated passengers and flung it behind. Throwing its body against the emergency exit, the werewolf tore the exit door off and jumped out into the night. It stood for a moment in the lit pool of one of the runway lights as it once again threw back it's head to howl. Answering howls could be heard in the distance. The werewolf pulled off the remains of the stewardess uniform that still clung to its body before heading out towards the mountains.


  1. A literary tour-de-force! A darkly luminous horror debut! Ello is magnificent! An epic masterpiece. The 'don't miss' read of the year. An immediate classic. How much do you think a classic like this is worth? $29.99? Wrong! Only $9.99! But wait, call now and we will throw in a dirty limerick for free. But wait there's more! Call right now and we will throw these great ginsu knives for absolutely free... Call now....

  2. You don't get extra points for being eloquent in the comments, el....

    *grin* Drink?

  3. That stewardess is gonna be so embarrassed when she gets back to work the next day... Huhr-huhr! I liked that - didn't see it coming at all!

    [I just have to share my word verification word: xcquzah -what a Xhosa businessman says after sneezing in a Paris street café?]

  4. Total shocker! I didn't see that one coming!
    Absolutley brillliant!

  5. I guess SHE wasn't ordering the vegan dinner plate! Sit down, Brandon -- geesh.

    Awesome ending, and I agree with the electric orchid hunter. I'll bet she gets a slap on the wrist... a light one.

    Guess it was her "time of the month", huh?


  6. I think I was on that flight.

    I wonder if the airline's benefits include new uniforms.

    Hilarious ending.

  7. ello--My friend, you get my "Ow! You made me snort coffee!" Award. The juxtaposition of Brandon the asshole and the nice people around him is nicely twisted into his comeuppance! I didn't see that werewolf coming, but I hope she had a satisfying meal. Thanks for such a fun romp!

    Great job!

  8. Ello, I just loved this. I have never been so happy to see someone decapitated. I worked in retail in a past life - I wish I had the ability to do that! Your Brandon was utterly despicable - soooo good!

  9. I was gonna say that I think I was on that flight too, only our crappy ham sandwiches cost five dollars, and there wasn't any cool werewolf biting the head off of the uber-snotty passenger. Great story!



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